April 27, 2018
The end of love is the most important time of love’s expression! FEW ARE ANY GOOD AT LOVE! Let’s assume there are two ends to love, the beginning and the end. Of course, what happens in between is very important. What happens in between is reflected somewhat in how it starts, but the so called end is usually cut in-between the ‘love bomb’ and the real ‘love bomb’! A tsunami of love is to give more than you really have to give but for that moment, and often to a person who lives in a desert of love within themselves. People sometimes want to be loved so bad, or maybe they are so thrilled with the newness of the experience of love compared to that they are use to that they run in too fast. Like the marathon runner who runs out to lead the pack, they end up somewhere far short. They ‘bombed’!
From beginning of a love encounter to the end can be any experience from something you would want to live over and over again as it was so wonderful all the way to ‘heartbreak city’, where love bombed early on and no one rebuilt the damage. Love doesn’t need to be rebuilt but the ‘house’ hopefully needs to be made back into a home, and love comes out of hiding into the sunshine. It’s not easy living without all natures love. Humans are the only living being that isn’t ready made to walk or swim right away. There is a special time needed to develop love in those ‘dependent’ years to create the most incredible being on earth.
This began to be validated in the late 1960’s by a British psychoanalyst (john Bowlby) and scientifically by American developmental psychologist, Mary Ainsworth. The attachment theory is now being acknowledged everywhere. Experts in the behavioral fields strongly feel the the quality of our early attached to experiences have a profound influence on all later behavior some negative which is not easily detached from especially at this time where most can’t even ‘detach’ from their cell phones.
By the end of our first year, we have embedded in our baby brains a pretty indelible template of how we think relationships work, based on how our parents or other primary caregivers treated us. Less than positive imprinting is reversible through techniques that are simple and natural even if it’s a process that seems impossible. Many young people who were skinny as a rail became, through time and relentless effort, champions of body builders. Same thing can happen with detaching from acquired negatives. A key is to bond with with a secure person and make agreements to have them give you the compassion needed to let go and open up. Never get stuck in a relationship where there is not an agreement to allow you to open your heart more and more, and only with a person who is secure with a completely open heart. In any case, alway keep a mutual agreement to work together with awareness and compassion.
Bombs going off through your life because of negative imprinting is unnecessary. True love is a love of giving, not of receiving. And know that however the ending of a connection is with those you’ve loved, real love is always being open to giving love to them as much as is possible. Be careful who you love, and make sure you love yourself deeply.