December 31, 2015
With the greatest of intentions in petting a dog, the dog may not think so. Likewise damaged, unfixed people have reactions to you that may not reflect what your connection is intended and deserved. They may not realize that their fears and anger from the past color their occasional interactions. Those who don’t stop, and take stock of who they are and/or why they upset others are doomed to a serial, repetitive behavior that always reflects their management of the opportunities to shine inside and outside. You are a diamond in the rough with no chance that the inner and/or outer you cannot be at the ultimate expression.
When living in New York City, I recall one light, romantic connection with two very pretty girls who in the beginning didn’t know each other. Both were ditzy blonds, although one had brown hair. Each was of the heart but both projected their silly behaviors, eliciting a rolling of the eyes reactions by others as they both often never owned their own questionable behaviors having initiated a reasonable reaction. One day, being the prankster that I am, putting the two together seemed like a way for each of them to see themselves mirrored through the other. Well, they were crazy about each other! A week later each of them came up to me telling me the other was ‘crazy’, and they changed their mind about the other! It served nothing to tell them they were seeing themselves, so I didn’t.
It’s always ‘you’ who are part of an engagement with another, even though the other objectively initiates the negative or positive opportunity for a reaction/response situation. When negative, and you don’t want to be part of the likely uncomfortable mix, don’t engage! Find a polite exit, even if it’s the false need to take a walk, go to the bathroom, or suddenly be reminded of something you forgot to do.
One of the great saying of the sages is to use ‘skillful means’! Position yourself harmoniously by whatever skill you might choose. When I did the Wall Street corporate selling career, it was always advised to tune into the prospect in ways that left them feeling good. Arguing was prohibited. Asking why they think the way they do and trying to see their viewpoint always left the door open. Leave doors open, particularly for those you want in you like. Come from as sincere a place as possible. Respect goes on long way, and makes the other relaxed and open to dialog.
The best medicine for dealing with uncomfortable situations is to be prepared mentally and emotionally. Always seek the deepest love within, and discernment with awareness. Life should always move toward compassion, empathy, and yet fun. Look in the mirror of who you have become! Keep moving onward, upward and forward from that image!