Your Wife is My Friend
Oct. 2, 2014
Love means freedom. Freedom with love, and all its qualities such as trust, communication, compassion, openness, etc. Control, manipulation, and domination kill freedoms, and of course ‘love’. Love on ‘crutches’ always misses the ‘mark’. Friendship is vital to not only a couple in love, but the freedom to have friendship with others ‘independently’ apart from with other couples.
The old marriage was about a roller coaster of existence. The old marriage canceled most connection with friends both old and new, male and female. The old marriage was a lot about survival as well as survival of the marriage even to the point of enclosing yourself from the ‘we’ that you once pledged in love to one another. ‘You’re the only one for me’ has been compromised by serious doubts as well as the state of the moment in life of the world where social norms of marriage have all but disintegrated. Today’s world makes it socially more acceptable to ‘go it alone’. Still, couples are frequently locked in a ‘love-freedom closeout’ as well as being trapped in a relationship going no where but ‘same ole, same ole’ … at best.
Great couplings are a total submerging into one another creating a ‘third person’ called an us or a we (three) – you, me, and we! Wherever you go, the we is there, and yet the total commitment allows for the freedom of each other. It is that giving of freedom to the other that creates a deeper bonding to treasure each other. Most couples put ‘chains’ on each other, or ‘put their heads in the sand’ about each others time apart from the ‘we’ which isn’t bonded but based on ‘loose assumptions’ that don’t serve a deepening love.
Marriage must never become an obligation like a business arrangement, or be a coupling for fear of being alone to protect what has become a ‘going through the motions’. Compassion in a deep love is automatic. In a love that is dysfunctional it’s an opportunity for being in the heart, and deciding to do your best in rising above problems, or removing yourself while with total empathy, compassion, and respect for the other.
Today’s woman, in particular favors breaking the chains of past millenniums of being subservient to a man. Today’s evolved man wants a woman he loves to have all freedom she desires. As a ‘we or us’, each other’s mind and heart is melted into the other beyond the old necessity to be fearful, untrusting, possessive, jealous, etc. Love needs to be a celebration which naturally happens when two come as one!