August 23, 2014
Avoid looking at yourself by blaming the other? Couples specialize in pointing the finger at the other but are part, if not all of the problem. Eleanor Roosevelt, the former First Lady said, “In the long run, we shape shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.”
I’ve had an off and on connection with someone for years watching them go through half a dozen relationships always having complaints about the others mostly verbal abuse, but I’ve also been aware of their partners. Both were looking at themselves in the other, and their uncorrected issues from childhood in every case. Victim people seem to attract other victim collaborators endlessly. Over many years, I’ve watched from a distance, this victim’s pick of partners. Neither has this person or the ex partners taken hold of life and evolved beyond their dilemmas. It’s as if they all have the same dissonant, chattering tape in their heads that just loops over and over.
Strangely, most playing victim don’t seem to be aware that they are, somewhat because they are mostly involved with those who are also playing victim. In this case, it’s easy to blame another’s faults which may nevertheless be accurate, but while de-emphasizing your own. Oddly again, in a work environment where the skills of accomplishment are necessary for survival, the same victim mentality is usually nearly invisible. The ‘victim mentality’ seems to mostly come out in interactions of personal closeness. Always its best to look ‘under the hood’ of yourself, and always be focusing on ways to correct annoying habits. Take responsibility for the faults, being in the moment and not making the past the victim, or the reason why you come up short from your best side.
‘’You are this or that, and did this or that to me, and it’s you and only you!’’ Strong love avoids all of this ‘blame game’ converting it naturally to looking at yourself, and in compassion for the other. This is the moment in all of time, to awaken the Buddha, Christ, godliness, etc., within yourself. Why hold back? Let go! Be free of the demons and conflicts within including the ego that thinks it doesn’t have to. You in the light will transmit the lamp ofInlightenment to many others whether you are aware of it or not! Nothing else is as important as you knowing yourself and filled with love. If nirvana within doesn’t come from the ‘resonance’ of love with another, dive into meditation. Breath deep, stay in the moment, and be the watcher of what comes up!