Resolving marital problems before they start?
April 10, 2013
It’s been said that most carry their infirmary or sick house on their shoulders wherever they go, and wherever you go, there you are. Most personal characteristics are taken into a marriage where they become ‘highlighted’. If you mostly have no, or minor personal problems, bad habits, and with someone of the same, likely you will have a beautiful encounter married or not. Love with most is mostly shallow with erratic spikes together with apathy, low ‘compassion, communication, honesty’, and every form of disconnect. Typically, disenchantment is followed by a life long stream of ‘band-aid’ doctoring.
Marriage between two people is usually begun with rockets of love turning into sparklers that barely stay lit. Unconditional open communication with acceptance, and a love that stokes a fire of a reasonable form of daily excitement is paramount. If one is not excited by themselves about life and living, there is little chance of it being enough to carry an eternal flame between two people. Marriage or a coupling is about three people – a sort of ‘Ménage à trois. You, the other, and the combination of the two as ‘one’ completely forming an ‘us or we’. Two individuals without the ‘third’ is an element for disaster or certainly not the mating of souls that is what marriage should be based on.
Marriage most frequently settles into a clinic or dispensary within the ‘institution’ where each is holding the other ‘hostage’. One couple I know, like many, have settled in to working around each others issues rather than fixing them to disappear. In locking out
open communication with no fear of retribution from the other, marriage becomes a skeleton of harmony and love. People create a closet in the basement of themselves where non communicated thoughts are locked away.
Marriages last mostly because of fear of economic loss (I’ve worked my whole life for this ‘stuff’ and won’t lose it), and fear of what’s out there alone. Most have never taken the time to witness who they are, and why that’s more important than clinging to the material and ‘luke warm love’ attachments. Marital love is usually second rate at best, and frankly is for ‘losers’ who look to escape the path of personal evolvement.
Given the possibility of a challenging misfortune on a personal level, life still is best lived as an exciting challenge. Life doesn’t need to be a settling into a quagmire going no where when the journey within is the best trip in the world. Impediments to really living the inner life are always having you as a participant in allowing them to happen. Freedom is within. Outer freedoms are best starting from within!