Tell Me About Yourself
September 16, 2011
People wear masks. Behind that mask are many stories, good, bad, and indifferent. Never move intimately, and emotionally close to anyone without first knowing who that person is. Strangers are tomorrow’s friends, but friends come in all levels from ‘Facebook’ internet friends to ‘soul mates’. Like ‘food’ today, one needs to know what’s in it, and if it’s a healthy pick or a ‘deal breaker’. In the case of humans who connect with the possibility of continual intimate partnering, it could be the most important decision you’ll ever make. It’s not like the old days of ‘Cro-Magnum’ where the male is dragging the female ‘catch’ by the hair with a big club in the other hand.
Little communication happened among the neanderthals, and yet that lack of intelligent behavior is common to one degree or another among people ‘coupling’. Millions of marriages are still ‘arranged marriages’! In the Western world, freedoms and slow acceptance of different kinds of coupling from ‘interracial’ to ‘gay marriage’ is becoming more accepted by the open minded. However, the dilemmas of hiding ones true self from the other, not to mention from oneself is still the norm. Closeness involves taking on the manners, qualities, and soul of the other that to one degree or another merges with your own. Does it make any sense not to know who you’re letting in to you from both points of view?
The other day I was talking to a 32 year old special friend of Chinese ancestry on how to break through the shields that most put up to protect their fears (perhaps even more so among Asians). Many times I have encouraged her to open up on deeper levels to herself, accepting that as much better than a relationship becoming a prison for the soul, like billions suffer from. Being very smart in many ways, but yet protectively closed with her emotions, she is at a loss at how to connect with another who likely also is. I suggested a technique that impressed me by a very delightful Jewish girl I met in the past who, on our first date of mutual interest, said over and over to me, ‘tell me about yourself, and then tell me more….and more. We love to talk about ourselves when the other is interested, and particularly when the other feels ‘trusted’. It’s an easy, non specific way to open up another, and with a smile from the heart.
‘Tell me about yourself’, need not be said if two people are in the flow of easily doing it naturally. Sometimes other communication unfolds where it happens naturally when two people are in relaxed communication. Lead your life where smooth communication can happen to the maximum point of it’s willingness to be received. Open communication with no mask or barriers is fulfilling to the soul and builds a knowing trust. Feel your heart opening and the others will open.