August 13, 2009
The perception of someone being negative is often, ‘negative’! There is ‘negative’ negative and ‘positive’ negative! Being able to be open to seeing the difference is ‘positive’. It’s a growing, evolving journey that encourages open discussion and dialog without invisible barriers that present a ‘defensive’ position that creates ‘practical fear’ in others to add their thoughts. Confrontational harmony seems as an ‘oxymoron’ but, taken positively, is descriptive of healthy interaction.
Recently I had a very ‘free spirit’ guest who has many habits that require ‘following her around’ to ‘harmonize things’. I suggested to her, heartedly, that she offer her feelings or positive criticism on things that I overlook that might ‘disturb’ her. I call it ‘tuning in’ to harmonize that we are on the ‘same page’. Of course, as an after thought, I sought her approval that I could do the same. She agreed and as the days went on, it was me who offered suggestions that would work better. Using ‘skillful language’ and, empathy worked quite well. It takes two to make an agreement work smoothly.
Misunderstandings, through misinterpretations, are a common happening to create what
amounts to a censorship. ‘Walking on thin ice’, certainly has a limiting effect on a healthy and enjoyable meeting. Many are defensive to the point of creating a ‘wall around them’ that seems to have ‘flashing red lights of warning’ to not trespass with words that appear to the judger to be negative or confrontational. I have one friend who, although very open on many subjects, has personal ‘habits’ which most quietly agree could be modified. However, there is agreement among his friends, that any suggestion about ‘questionable attitudes’ would jeopardize a continuing friendship as well as having to face, ‘unwelcome anger’.
Humor is always a ‘sweetener’ to hostile confrontation, as well as having compassion for what may be behind someone’s seeming aggressive behavior. Confrontation to one is merely unnoticed dialog to another. Letting go and lightening up from the heart is always good medicine for what amounts to ‘ones own inner confrontation’!